I am
sure everyone can agree that trust is a very crucial part of any relationship. It
is needed in order to continue on in a healthy relationship. It is what keeps
you from snooping through your boyfriend’s phone while he’s in the bathroom or
sleeping. It is what keeps you from following your girlfriend when she says
she’s going out with the girls. It is what makes you say, “That’s alright” when
your friend breaks the plans with you because she says she has to study or he
says he is working late. The Merriam-Webster definition of trust states that trust is “assured reliance on the
character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” It is for this
reason why we experience the truth bias. We believe that we can trust these
people and that they won’t deceive us because we love (or like) them and they
are a very important part of our lives and you can find no reason for them to
want to lie to us. Sometimes, however, the people that lie to us the most are
the ones that are closest, like family members. When lies come from these
people, it hurts the most. This is because there was an established sense of
value and trust in the relationship. There is a different emotion felt when
this deception is done by someone who isn’t as close to you as family or friends.
It hurts to be lied to overall, but less when committed by someone who isn’t as
relevant as a best friend or boyfriend.
I have
been lied to many times by different people. On Thursday evening my friend lied
to me about why she didn’t answer my phone call the night before. This is not
the first time this person has lied to me and the previous lies were stupid as
well. I’ve been doing some reevaluating of our friendship since then. A girl I
work with on Tuesdays lied to me during our shift. I kept asking questions to
get some background information. At the end of the shift I asked one final
question and she revealed that she wasn’t being honest. I wasn’t so much hurt
as I was confused as to why she would lie about something like that in the
first place. This one didn’t bother me because there isn’t a strong perception
of “friendship” on my part.
I found
a New York Times article “Great
Betrayals” that touches on the subject of deception by lying. The psychiatrist
and author talks about her interactions with the liars and victims, alike and
what happens after the lie has been revealed. She brought up an interesting
point when she mentioned that in her practice, the liars usually have a quicker
recovery than the person who was deceived. I’ve never given a thought to liar’s
side of the situation but I understand what she means. Since they are not the
ones getting hurt it could be almost as if nothing happened. They have the
option of fixing this negative aspect of themselves and becoming a new person.
The victim on the other hand is left to deal with many negative emotions while
trying to move forward. They are left with trust issues thinking the next
person they might potentially get close to will do the same thing the last
person did.
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